Swarts Interview

Swarts may be the oldest member of the Tweek Family at an astounding 26 years old, but the man still rips like none other. Hang fives in his sleep and shaking change at broadzz like none other. One word and one word only....NIIIIICE. This is the Swartsy Interview.

All Your Nicknames and Their Origins GO!

Greaser--Because I used hair gel in elementary school and kids thought it was funny to call me that.

RyGuy- Because my name alone isn't cool enough apparently and it has to have dumb shit added to it.

Swartsy- Because Tom and Glen wanna do me. 

Top 5 Reasons Binghamton Rules.

1. New York Pizzeria

2. Being an asshole to little kids and having them still like me

3. Free chips from Frito Lay dumpster

4. Everybody here is more pissed off than me

5. Can't list one more

Top 5 Reasons Binghamton Sucks.

1. I live here X5

Top 5 Reasons Myspace is Better than Facebook

1. Cause i can lurk young ass girls and they dont know it

2. Cause i can put music on it

3. I can do fancy shit to my profile

4. I can create a fake profile and ruin someone's life

5. I can spam shitty bands when they try to add me and get them potentially kicked off

Best Spots to Ride in P-Burgh?

Any place where I can do hangfives or look at hawt broadzzzz.

Why Do you Love Myspace Surveys So Much?

Cause it makes my pants a little tighter ;).

Best Cottage Story-

The AK story because everyone knows about it now through various ways and little kids have heard of fuckchick's adventures.

*editors note-- i would love to explain this story in full detail, however, it would be way too graphic to place on this website. All i will say is it was a night in the infamous bunkbed room between fuckchick and a young woman: "I was like a swat team at the million man march."---Fuckchick

 

Best Thing aka Creepiest Thing You've Ever Seen Fuckchick do-

I cant narrow it down....

When he slapped his balls on a piece of paper and the paper stuck to them cause he is gross.

Most Outrageous Thing You've Ever Witnessed the BCF do-

When you (Glen) and Tom double cock-slapped Delsie in the face and touched tips and weren't weirded out by it. 

Name One Good Reason to Visit Glen Aubrey, NY-

The OCTAGON.

Best and Worst Memory of Attending Whitney Point in the 1970s-

Best- Leaving school.

Worst- 2nd through 12th grade. 

Explain How You Are So Amazing at Trivial Pursuit-

Because I'm an asshole and an endless vat of useless knowledge. 

What is Better Your Grandmother's Mashed Potatoes or Free Buffalo Chicken Pizza from New York Pizzeria-

Grandmas mashed potatoes hands down because its made from the heart. 

What Band Do You Hate the Most and Why?

Fall Out Boy cause someone said i looked like the lead singer and both him and that kid should eff off.

Worst Injury Received from not Riding Your Bike-

Twisted ankle from playing soccer in the parking lot of HCS.

 Any Last Words?

Touch Tips FGGT.

Seafoam Interview

Seafoam--- Just really quick,I plan on leaving my sound recorder on when I go to bed to see what I sound like in my sleep just throwing that out there.
Glen---haha Ok you ready?
Seafoam---I was born ready for this interview.

G---You’ve just been added to the Tweek Family how does it feel to be the soul representative of PA?
S---I’m psyched… I think I love it so much just because I was born here.
G---Tell me a story of Johnstown PA that can sum it up for us?
S---It has three floods and it's pretty sweet. It's honestly like the Goonies town I love it.
G---How many times have you watched the Goonies to remember Johnstown?
S---Not enough…. Atleast a bakers dozen.

G---First off I think its necessary to discuss how your name came into existence please tell.
S---Well let me see, I was in beautiful Binghamton, NY and I told Joby that my name was Zach, but he thought it was it Za-che and no one believed that that was my name. So I believed what happened was, people looked at the color of my bike and decided it was my name because they were too scared to get it wrong haha and now it's my favorite color.
G---YES hahaha that is exactly what happened.
G---Where are you right now... this may or may not be for personal purposes haha?
S---In recliner in recline mode, wearing shorts and a "No Hope for Dope" T-shirt.
G---You realize that shirt is from Saved by the Bell.
S---OH yeah. I got it from GoodWill.
G---What’s the best clothing item you’ve ever gotten from GoodWill?
S---The Binghamton Speidie Fest shirt definitely.
G---We have heard talk of some possible tattoos that your getting what are they?
S---I want the tip of a dick coming out the bottom of my boxers hahaha. Me and a friend wanted to get Tiny PA state with R I P …like rest in Pennsylvania oh and I wanna get the home improvement sign tattooed on my arm
G---That’s amazing cause im watching that TV show right now.
S---I watch that show from time to time. I mean its no Different Strokes….
G---You were once a weatherman how did that even come about?
S---Well I was watching TV one day and I saw an ad for be a junior weatherman and it had application specifically for children up to the 3rd grade. So I sent a email and it was like write an essay why you wanna be a weatherman and I wrote I like the weather cause I like to know when I can ride my bike and It asked the grade and I said Graduated high school. They sent an email and said come in. That day I was really tired and honestly, It fucking sucked…I was so bored the entire time and I messed up as a weatherman. I wish I had done something completely outrageous like get naked.

G---You know some amazingly random facts please share some with us?
S---The one that you told me about drinking mouthwash before you go to bed and how you get the craziest dreams I had dinosaurs chasing me while i was hanging out in 3rd grade and there’s nothing about it on the internet it’s the BIGGEST CONSPIRACY ever….
S-Speaking of Conspiracy I got a story to tell you:
    I was riding last night with some friends and some cop chased us down and he caught one of us and he said Pittsburgh is making an Anti-BMX task force and there gonna hunt us down and tazer us till we get off our bikes…. Do you realize the possibilities. "DON’T TAZE ME BRO…." Then he goes you can go over To the Northside we wont bother you there… (that’s says everything)

G--- A story that follows you everywhere, it needs to be told. That one time you purposely rubbed a white dress shirt collar on your neck. Finish please….
S---HAHAHA My mom wanted me to go to church and I didn’t want to go, so I made them look all dirty and rubbed them all over me to make them look a little dirty. She totally didn’t believe me at all.

G---Got to ask a simple question--Hootie and the Blowfish or Peter Gabriel?
S---Peter Gabriel because it's NOT Hootie and the Blowfish. These are good questions….
G---Thanks im trying to be professional, but its not working since im asking about Hootie and the Blowfish.

G---Ok you wear a helmet to bed...nuff said. Is it because you love to ride so much?
S---You just gotta be ready to go big or go home.
G---But you already are home.
S---You gotta be ready to go big and then back home then.

G---Latest trick you learned then quickly forgot?
S---Icepicks… I just lost them and now I wont do them haha.
G---What’s up with BMX trick names?
S---They are the weirdest names in the world. A name could be, bird on Galapagos island and that’s a trick. 

G----What about Pittsburgh gets you so psyched?
S---Cause it's dirty and its not big and overrun with Hipsters….did you see the other day they ranked the 14th most miserable city for Woman? That’s why I like it haha.

G---Last Words and or Thanks?
S---Bury me upside down so the world can Kiss My Ass!